Monday, July 09, 2007

Yesterday one of my co-workers came up to me with this sad story:

So...there's this girl my parents know who is pregnant with twin boys, and she's giving them up for adoption.

(me: raised eyebrows)

Yep. She had her rights terminated on her first child, and she knows she's gonna get these ones taken away, too.

(me: Why? Has she been abusive or.....? Does she want to try to make a plan to keep them?)

I don't know. All I know is that they have already told her that there is *no way* she is leaving the hospital with those babies, so she wants to find adoptive parents because she doesn't want them to go into foster care.

I could hardly think what to say first, but I think (hope) I made it clear that 1) I personally am not in the market for anyone's twins. I'm not sure why she told *me* this awful story almost with an air of if-you're-looking-to-adopt-again-I-know-where-you-can-get-a-baby. Strange since I have told anyone who will listen how much my thoughts on adoption have changed so much since we adopted our son. Blech. 2) This young mom doesn't seem to have the benefit of knowing all of her rights and what she can do to help herself if she has any thought of keeping her baby boys. I mentioned a couple of resources for her to look into.


If I had the courage, patience, time, and compassion, I would love to be a foster parent. I think I would be a half-way decent one, especially for cases where the goal was family reunification. Actually, the more I started thinking about myself in that role, I realized that what I would really like would to be able to mentor young women who don't have anyone to show them that they CAN be good help them prioritize and make plans for their futures and help them learn how to manage a family and all that entails....

I'm not super-mom, by any means. But I do have a heart for young women who seem to have no other 'fate' than to follow in the footsteps, as mothers, of the moms who didn't take good care of THEM. And that is just so sad. Sometimes all people need is a little empowerment, a hefty dose of encouragement, and someone to believe in them.

And God knows, I have a heart for families to stay together whenever possible. Having rights terminated not because one was abusive but just because someone didn't quite 'have her act together' sounds to me like not a 'hopeless' situation as far as her ever mothering any child. It sounds, rather, like a young mom who would be able to raise her children if she had someone to show her she could do it.



At 8:12 AM , Blogger Dawn said...

I remember reading about a program where the families would foster a mother and her child(ren) to mentor her as a mother. It was a very successful program but apparently expensive or difficult or something. I have no idea. But it was very successful and no wonder.

At 8:53 AM , Blogger Adina said...

I applied for (but ultimately didn't get) a job where you mentor new at-risk mothers to help them bond with their babies. The goal was to lower the incidence of child abuse. It was a really cool program. So many lives would be benefited by a little help and guidance.

At 6:29 PM , Blogger cloudscome said...

I think you would be great at this, whether it was mentoring or fostering. You should keep praying about it. Even if you have only a very small role to do in encouraging her or suggesting resources, if you keep your mind and heart open to a leading you could make a huge difference for this mother and her sons. God Bless.

At 3:59 PM , Blogger Deb said...

At our small community hospital, the head nurse on OB organized a program called "Mentoring Moms", which matches young, "at-risk" mothers and mother's-to-be with experienced moms in the community. CASA, an adovocacy group in our area and others for kids in the foster system, has arranged for other families in crisis to have mentors. Perhaps there are similar volunteer organizations in your community that would let you explore this role? I agree with Cloudscome; you have a lot to offer and could potentially do something amazing.

At 6:40 PM , Blogger Third Mom said...

I wonder who the "they" is who told the girl there was no way she could keep her babies. I'm guessing it was her parents - and honestly, I think the stigma of being a single parent is still thriving out there. It makes no sense.

You would be a terrific foster parent, no question.


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