Monday, February 12, 2007

What If...

Dear [B.O.] birth-Omoni,

Anyeong Hasseo! Thank you for taking the time to read all about our [perfect] life as you consider what is best for your baby. We know how hard this must be for you, and we want to thank you for being such a selfless and courageous person by choosing life and by allowing your baby to come to America! [Now we hope you will choose us!]

We are Jimbo and Trudie [two white folks who hope to become ‘color-blind’]. We have been happily married for many years and have one child of our own [and we hope to make your child our own too!]. We both have great jobs – Jimbo is a world-renowned brain surgeon, and Trudie is a school-teacher who just completely adores all kids but will be quitting her job if we are able to adopt [just because she can] so that she can [show off her Korean baby to all the snobs] devote herself completely to her children’s every need. We have a gorgeous home and a multitude of wonderful friends. Our families [secretly think we are crazy and are afraid we won’t have any more real children and can’t remember if we are trying to adopt from Japan or China] can’t wait to [see an Asian up-close] meet and welcome another child into the family.

We can have more children of our own, but we feel called to adopt because we have heard all about the plight of [the poor Korean] children in your country and it just breaks our hearts like you can’t imagine! [We would try to rescue a needy American child, but the B.M.s have waaaaay too many rights over here and we couldn't stand to have our hearts broken if one somehow manages to keep her baby! Besides, we feel a special connection with Korea]. We have so much respect for your strength of character in choosing an international adoption plan. [Every child deserves a loving family!]

In our family here in America, your baby will have a great life [we have the best of everything over here!]. We are really excited about becoming Korean-Americans and have already started collecting Asian things so that your child will feel at home here. We [can mangle several words in Korean] are learning the language as well. We are in awe of the [strange and exotic] rich traditions of your country and are excited to experience some of them through this great blessing of adoption – we plan to try out chopsticks first! [And say things like “anyeong hasseo!” whenever we see anyone who looks Asian - - woo hoo this is sooo cool!] We are even planning on getting ["hand-bocks"] hanbok for our whole family [won't Halloween be fun!].

If you pick us to receive this most precious of gifts, we will have your baby escorted [right to our own doorstep, since we are afraid we might accidentally eat dog meat if we traveled to Korea and we are also terrified of being surrounded by Korean people everywhere] to America. We plan to return to your beautiful country when your child is old enough to really appreciate it [riiiiight].

We are so thankful to be able to give you this glimpse into our heart for adoption. Writing this letter is the hardest thing we have ever done and we hope [you choose us!] it will help you move on with your life and have peace in knowing that you have given your baby a chance at a better life. We would be so [proud] honored to [call ourselves do-gooders]/[get a Korean baby] give your baby a forever family.


[two CWPAPs wishing upon a star]

Jimbo and Trudie


At 5:54 PM , Blogger cloudscome said...

FOFLOL!!! Did you share this on the forums?

At 7:01 AM , Blogger Kahlan said...

Oh, Zoe! That is just too funny and oh, so sad. I think you included everything that ticks me off. Oh, wait. You forgot:

"We'll get her a Geisha bedding set, to remind her that she is Asian every bloody day. I mean, Japan IS right next to Korea."

At 9:46 AM , Blogger zoe said...

ha, ha. This would've gone over well on the forums!

K - oh, yeah. The asian-themed bedroom/nursery. Well, you could always include a picture of that in your profile book, lol. I had several other things I wanted to add in, but the post was getting too long...

At 11:22 AM , Blogger Reid said...




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